State of the Apostate 2010

I don't put much stock in New Years resolutions, but something in my attitude changed with the New Year. I realized recently that the Mormon Church has all but dropped off my radar. Sure, I still visit the Recovery from Mormonism and Further Light and Knowledge boards, but these days it's mainly for the community and entertainment value.

Anyone who has read this blog or my posts on RfM knows that like many former mormons, I had more than a few bones to pick with my former church. When you devote so much of your life to furthering what you think is a great and noble cause, and then find out what you've really been doing is shoveling shit, anger and bitterness are inevitable. I've spent a lot of energy over the past 2-3 years dealing as best I could with the fallout from my paradigm shift.

After nearly two years of faking it, I finally stopped attending last May. Completely. I also stopped wearing the Magic Mormon Underwear (TM). Those two simple choices marked a turning point for me, and had an immediate and profound effect on my attitude. It was as if I had removed the source of infection from a festering wound, allowing it to finally begin to heal.

Since then, the rage and bitterness I've felt toward the Mormon Church have gradually evaporated. I still believe it is an abusive organization that systematically deceives, micromanages, and takes financial advantage of its members, and I think the world would be a better place without it. However, it's no longer my problem. The Mormon Church is just a dot on the horizon. I don't support it with my money or labor, and (so far) I'm not being harassed by well-meaning members trying to "reactivate" me. I guess maybe the local bishop believed me when I told him there's nothing he can do to get me back.

My mormon heritage will always be a part of me. I'll still visit the ex-mormon websites, and I'll still post to this blog from time to time, and until I'm ready to explain my paradigm shift to my devout parents, I'll have to find excuses to avoid temple excursions when I'm home for the holidays.

But for now at least, I've found some measure of peace.